Hate Her (its not really hate just the title of the poem)

as i get older seem to have more problems within my self and the fact that im adopted.
Hears a poem about one of my struggles 

hate her

sometime i hate her

the women who gave me up

sometime i wish shed never been

but then i wouldn't be hear

sometimes i hate her 

i'm glad she gave me up

so that i didn't have to sink down to her level

but i think that thinking this way just makes me as bad as her

why do i feel such burning in side 

i should really feel love and compasion

No, 

hate is a really strong word

to strong for someone like me 

ill change it to...

Dislike

sometime i dislike her 

because of what she did to me

who am i

were am i going

what is my identity?

i'm messed up in side 

i  feel like i'm living a lie

i don't  always love my life 

is it right to take children and give them to others?

other mothers

other fathers

do all children who don't know feel this way 

what about the children who get to meet thous people do they feel the same way?

yes?

no?

maybe so?

i don't know

i don't know who i am anymore

as i get older its harder

I feel , i see, i know

as theo gets older he looks like my father 

as josh gets older he acts like my mother

i want to look at my parents and see my self in them

if i want that,i have to go look for the people who have my blood in them 

i feel alowen in this does any one feel this way

Emma doesn't, 

but thats okay

reading

i was reading somewhere but i cant remember

but most children like me will think on these things one time or another

but for now i must say that 

i hate her. 

(ps. this has nothing to do with my mum and dad, i love them with all my heart and respect them and im glad there in my life and im in theirs)

Sometimes

This is a poem i wrote about what i feel sometimes when i think about being adopted.

Sometimes

Sometimes I think about who I could be.

I wouldn’t want to be any one but me

But sometimes I think

Sometimes I wonder

Would I be me if I had lived my life somewhere else?

If I had never been and adopted?

Would I be the Leah Hutchinson I know of today

Or would I be a totally different person?

Sometimes when I think about it I start missing that me

The me I could have been

The me I’ll never be

Sometimes I get mad at myself for wishing for something thats not better

But would it be?

Sometimes I think could it have been better if I had gotten the chances to be that me?

Sometime I’m angre at the people who took me away from there

The people who love me

Sometimes I’m madbecause I want to see what I could have been

Most times I’m grateful

I’m glad I’m me, this me,

I feel that sometime children who are adopted go through a stage in their life were they start to think and wonder

What if, could this have been this way or that?

Sometimes I think we go through emotions of anger, longing, hoping, wishing wanting, but never getting

No matter what my parents say to me no matter how they show me that it’s better to be this me

There is always in the back of my mind, could I have been a better me?

I’ve wondered about the lady who brought me into the world

I wonder what she was like.

I wonder am I anything like her, will I be anything like her, would I want to be anything like her?

What did I get from this faceless nameless women who brought me into this world?

Would I like what I saw if I ever saw her?

Sometimes I get mad at her and I think why did you give me away did.

Sometimes when I feel low I think you gave me away because you didn’t want me, thou know that’s not true.

No matter how much my mum and dad say we love you, we picked you, I never feel like I truly belong to them

When I was younger I got jealous of my younger siblings.

The reason was they came from my parents.

They were there flesh and blood.

When you looked into their faces you could see my parents staring back.

I wanted that I wanted to be able to look at my mother and go

yes that’s the same smile,

yes that’s the same noes.

But that’s never going to happen because they didn't make me.

I’m not resentful of them taking me away from that places but sometimes I wonder was it truly right for me. Would I feel this way now if I was back there?

I should hope and think not.

It’s good to be me

But sometimes just sometimes I wonder is this really me